I had a dream

But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather
I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed
The dream I dreamed.
I dreamed a dream, Les Miserables
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And somehow saying goodbye isn't easy

Been here over a year and I've learnt so much that somehow saying goodbye isn't easy. Mexico is an excellent country and beeing away, being here, made me grow up. Let's take a look to what I've learnt: I've learnt that not all people who surrounds you is a friend, all lies eventually fall apart ( I figured quite a few from some friends) that when people say "I want to help you" they may not really mean it... I discovered a lot of lovely places I really loved like Chapultepec, the coffee place where we take our coffee ( and yeah ... I mean us), I discovered what is to feel something for a boy again (long time) ... To feel nervous everytime he makes a pass... I discovered that I just love theatre and I really want to work on sth related to show business... I laughed a lot, cried a lot too, drank (not so much), slept, fell and rise again... I felt depressed, I felt happy, I felt alone and with lot of people... I felt everything... And nothing. I miss home but I will sure miss Mexico. Thank you Mexico for the lovely stay you made me feel :)
Yep... Somehow it is really really hard to say goodbye ;)




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Who wants a hug?

Fiona Apple’s Moving Letter To Fans About Her Ailing Dog, Janet.

Fiona Apple’s Moving Letter To Fans About Her Ailing Dog, Janet.

Today’s cool thing of the day isn’t so much “cool” as in “hey that’s fun”, but more that I think it’s so cool that Fiona Apple shared so much about the painful reason she’s postponing her South American Tour. The reason is so she can be there when her best friend, her dog Janet, “stops being a dog, and instead, [becomes] part of everything.” But as her moving, four-page, handwritten letter makes clear, Janet is no ordinary dog. And the letter makes clear what we kind of already know, Fiona Apple is no ordinary songwriter.

Here’s the text of that letter:

It’s 6pm on Friday,and I’m writing to a few thousand friends I have not met yet.
I am writing to ask them to change our plans and meet a little while later.
Here’s the thing.
I have a dog Janet, and she’s been ill for almost two years now, as a tumor has been idling in her chest, growing ever so slowly. She’s almost 14 years old now.I got her when she was 4 months old. I was 21 then ,an adult offi

cially - and she was my child.
She is a pitbull, and was found in Echo Park, with a rope around her neck, and bites all over her ears and face.
She was the one the dogfighters use to puff up the confidence of the contenders.
She’s almost 14 and I’ve never seen her start a fight ,or bite, or even growl, so I can understand why they chose her for that awful role. She’s a pacifist.
Janet has been the most consistent relationship of my adult life, and that is just a fact.
We’ve lived in numerous houses, and jumped a few make shift families, but it’s always really been the two of us.
She slept in bed with me, her head on the pillow, and she accepted my hysterical, tearful face into her chest, with her paws around me, every time I was heartbroken, or spirit-broken, or just lost, and as years went by, she let me take the role of her child, as I fell asleep, with her chin resting above my head.
She was under the piano when I wrote songs, barked any time I tried to record anything, and she was in the studio with me all the time we recorded the last album.
The last time I came back from tour, she was spry as ever, and she’s used to me being gone for a few weeks every 6 or 7 years.
She has Addison’s Disease, which makes it dangerous for her to travel since she needs regular injections of Cortisol, because she reacts to stress and to excitement without the physiological tools which keep most of us from literally panicking to death.
Despite all of this, she’s effortlessly joyful and playful, and only stopped acting like a puppy about 3 years ago.
She’s my best friend and my mother and my daughter, my benefactor, and she’s the one who taught me what love is.
I can’t come to South America. Not now.
When I got back from the last leg of the US tour, there was a big, big difference.
She doesn’t even want to go for walks anymore.
I know that she’s not sad about aging or dying. Animals have a survival instinct, but a sense of mortality and vanity, they do not. That’s why they are so much more present than people.
But I know that she is coming close to point where she will stop being a dog, and instead, be part of everything. She’ll be in the wind, and in the soil, and the snow, and in me, wherever I go.
I just can’t leave her now, please understand.
If I go away again, I’m afraid she’ll die and I won’t have the honor of singing her to sleep, of escorting her out.
Sometimes it takes me 20 minutes to pick which socks to wear to bed.
But this decision is instant.
These are the choices we make, which define us.
I will not be the woman who puts her career ahead of love and friendship.
I am the woman who stays home and bakes Tilapia for my dearest, oldest friend.
And helps her be comfortable, and comforted, and safe, and important.
Many of us these days, we dread the death of a loved one. It is the ugly truth of Life, that keeps us feeling terrified and alone.
I wish we could also appreciate the time that lies right beside the end of time.
I know that I will feel the most overwhelming knowledge of her, and of her life and of my love for her, in the last moments.
I need to do my damnedest to be there for that.
Because it will be the most beautiful, the most intense, the most enriching experience of life I’ve ever known.
When she dies.
So I am staying home, and I am listening to her snore and wheeze, and reveling in the swampiest, most awful breath that ever emanated from an angel.
And I am asking for your blessing.

I’ll be seeing you.
Love, Fiona

Criticism

Today I went to see a play and I found it regular... Can't say it was really bad but it wasn't good either. So far so good... The problem was when I was on the car with two friends and they said that people who are fan don't mind to see a bad play just in order to see their idol... I couldn't believe in what they were saying but the fact is... It's true... We tend to like everything our idol does... Even if it is bad... We criticize others but when is our idol we like everything... Shouldn't be otherwise? I mean, of course if your idol is in a play you will go and see it... That is normal, I would do that too of course ... But to say "I loved it" just because ur idol is on it when it was not good? Really? Where is our judgement? How come if your idol is on that role you like it? As a fan we should be more critic and if we don't like, we should say it... In fact, ur idol should thank u for that because they can't posible think they do everything right like fans tend to say... So if there is a fan who say "u know what, I don't like u on this scene, novela, play, whatever" they should thank them and ask "why"? And work from there... We as fans tend to ask little from our idols... And they don't even care about our opinion ... If u go to twitter u hardly see a personality retweeting a bad critic... Or answer a bad comment... Too bad we, as fans, tend to be happy with so less... And people... That's why networks or productors do so bad productions... Because if they have an actor who has lots of fans they dont even need to bother to do a good thing... Woww right?


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World Teacher's day

Congrats to all of us... I still feel like a teacher, think like a teacher and AM a teacher, though I took a short time to myself. Being a teacher is the best you can be when Ss really want to learn. There's nothing better to see a class motivated and eager to learn. Too bad that lately this kind of class is really hard to find. CONGRATS TO ALL MY FRIENDS WHO ARE STILL TRYING TO MAKE THE DIFFERENCE.

E a vida surpreende-te

Há um ano atrás vi para México ilusionada e sabendo o que queria. Sempre fui de correr atrás embora sempre tive medo de arriscar. Muitas vezes quis desistir e muitas vezes estive para regressar a Portugal, decepcionada comigo mesmo... Mas não o fiz... Por uma ou outra razão não regressei... Decepcionei-me com algumas pessoas que fingiram ser amigas, decepcionei-me comigo, decepcionei aos meus pais e irmã... E todos os dias pensava... (Em espanhol) que carajos estoy haciendo aqui? Mas Deus escreve direito por linhas tortas e hoje pode-se dizer que entendo (um pouco isso) ... Todas as desilusões fizeram-me crescer... Aprendi a ser mais forte ( ou menos frágil), aprendi que nem sempre as coisas são como queres mas sim como têm de ser. Hoje entendo tudo isso porque hoje comecei uma nova etapa... Um novo projecto... E, ainda que possa não dar certo, é uma nova esperança. Obrigada Deus por não me dares as coisas de mão beijada (pelo menos não desta vez) e ensinares-me que as coisas que ganhas porque lutaste sabem melhor... Obrigada pelos nãos que escutei, que na altura não entendia mas que hoje consigo ver claramente o porque dos mesmos... Obrigada pela família que tenho porque apesar de tudo ai estão, apoiando-me...
E obrigada por pores na minha vida gente que realmente é como uma segunda família para mim. OBRIGADA DEUS!!!


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What am I doing?

Sometimes life puts you some difficult tasks on your way towards the success (?)... one of them is putting in your life people who pretend to be your friend and they are not. This year it is happening to me a lot... by now, I really think that it is my problem, it must be. It is really hard to find out that the person that said he would be there is not, is betraying you behind your back.Funny thing is that you trust so much on that person that when you realize that, you already lost some things in your life that were important. 

Mexico made me grow up, made me a little bit stronger and taught me on hard way that things are not easy, and you may not get what you want (this my friends, it's kinda new to me because I have always fought for what I want and got it)

And then my whole world falls apart and I wonder: What am I doing?

A year ago....

I was stepping (cannot say for the first time) México. This year I decided to stay and try to live here. Not easy though... the first month was really hard, after that hard was to see the days go by and me without a job to stay. Made some acquaintaces (cannot say friends entirely) and I believe I really grew up in some aspects of my life. But things aren't easy, still aren't. I have now a job that I like but not exactly what I want and sometimes I really ask... Why am I here? What is the point of being here? Maybe God is putting me lots of obstacles in my way in order for me to be stronger, maybe I am becoming stronger. But I am also down a lot, I can't really say I have many friends in here and yes... sometimes I feel really lonely, I want to talk to someone and don't have with whom. I am not an easy person (totally aware of that) ... But hey... today should be of celebrating (?) and not sadness. Cheers to me and thanks México for the change in my life

Sei que nunca terei o que procuro...

Sei que nunca terei o que procuro
E que nem sei buscar o que desejo,
Mas busco, insciente, no silêncio escuro
E pasmo do que sei que não almejo.

Fernando Pessoa